by dan renzi
It’s a big year for David Archuleta, filled with new beginnings, new music and a new outlook on life.
Archuleta entered the public eye when he placed second in the 2008 season of American Idol. He then amassed legions of fans in the Christian music scene, as he balanced his career while also staying active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Life became complicated, however, when his devotion to the LDS church persuaded him to become engaged to a woman — while he was trying to pray away his attraction to men.
Archuleta has been very open about those tumultuous years, as he redefined his relationship with the Mormons amid his fear of the church doctrine that same-sex relations were a path to eternal damnation. While suffering from severe anxiety, as well as ruptured vocal cords that required surgery, Archuleta documented his struggles on social media, as he continued performing and putting in the work on his own health.
Life has taken a refreshing turn, however. After placing second, again, this time on The Masked Singer, Archuleta has released a new single, “Up,” and has a new perspective on spirituality and finding love. The RAGE Monthly chatted with Archuleta about how he reconciled his relationship with his church, and why he decided to make San Diego Pride his first Pride performance after coming out.
First, how do you identify?
Queer.
How is your voice? Are those problems all cleared up now?
I have improved a lot. My vocal paralysis makes the opening in my throat a lot smaller than normal, so I still have scarring due to the surgical instruments trying to get in during my surgery. But I do vocal exercises to try and keep it stretching and loose. It’s like physical therapy.
What do you have planned for your show at San Diego Pride?
I will be doing a solo show. It’s my first time performing at a Pride event. The only previous time was at Loveloud in Utah, but that’s a little different than a normal Pride event, I think. It caters more to educating the general Utah community about the LGBT+ community.
This is a big turnaround from just a few years ago, when you were engaged to a woman, and you were struggling with the conflict between the LDS church and your feelings about your sexuality. What has changed within you to make such a big leap, to perform at a Pride festival?
I have been invited before. I just needed time to understand what performing at Pride meant for me. I had a lot of presumptions about what Pride festivals were, and that they were out of control, and that I would be overwhelmed by it. I realize now I can be me, where I currently am on my journey, because there are a lot of others who are on different parts of their journey and I can create a space for them too by simply being where I’m at.
San Diego Pride is a big event. How are you going to feel when you walk onto that stage, in front of thousands of cheering people who are gay and lesbian and trans, and so many other sexuality and gender expressions?
I am so excited! I’ve done my own shows during the holidays and certain venues with a lot of people from the LGBT+ community, and I felt so loved and supported and seen. I can’t wait to share bits of my journey with the community in San Diego and celebrate with all of them, as we’re all on our journeys.
Your struggle with the LDS church — has it affected your faith entirely? Do you still believe you are going to experience eternal damnation?
The only time I anticipated feeling like I was going to be eternally punished is before I came out. I thought that if I came to terms with myself, that it was going to be the end of my journey for my soul to get back to God. I felt hopeless, because I couldn’t change who I was, no matter how many years, nor how hard I tried. When I hit my rock bottom, I was praying and praying even though I didn’t feel anything anymore, and just asked God to change me if he was really there and if he really had a plan for me. Because I couldn’t do it anymore. It’s then when I felt this peace, this overwhelming sensation of love and assurance, tell me “David, you need to stop asking me this. You need to see yourself the way I see you. I don’t see you the same way you do, or a lot of well-meaning people who try to follow me see you. Because I created you the way you are for a reason and you’re meant to be happy as you are. And it’s time for you to understand that.”
That’s when I realized, despite what anyone else may try to tell me of what a great creator or a God thinks of me for being queer, I already got my answer and know what God thinks of me, and how God sees me. And nothing will ever change that answer because it changed my life and it gave me the confidence I needed to keep going, to not only keep living, but to be happy in my life that I live. That no matter who was my companion, whether it was a boy or a girl, God understands, because he created me to function the way that I do and I can live a happy, healthy life and have a partner who can fully support me and love me too, who is on a similar journey. Each one of us is different and we’re not all meant to be the exact same.
How has this coming out process changed your music?
I feel like my music has been more free. Free to express all of my emotions. Free to express frustration, happiness, joy and even love.
Have you met [openly gay lead singer of Neon Trees] Tyler Glenn? You should start a band together.
I love Tyler! We met a couple of times at Loveloud events in Utah. He and I both grew up LDS, and were missionaries for our church. We both had to come out after we had been in the public eye already.
I’m a big fan of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I wish I had seen when you performed at Tuacahn Amphitheatre in Utah. I imagine you were perfect for that role. Did you enjoy performing musical theatre?
That’s awesome! I loved being in musical theatre, and being in Joseph last year was my first time ever getting to be in a musical. I had such a blast, and I look forward to being in another one when I get the chance, and when it makes sense. I have been attending a lot more musicals lately because of my experience being on the theatre stage and how much I loved it. Not to mention the new theatre family I have gained.
Which was harder — American Idol or The Masked Singer?
American Idol by 20 times more. American Idol was a lot more intense, more rigorous with the schedule, and a lot more suspenseful with having to be judged by the judges, and by America every week. The Masked Singer, I was a more seasoned artist at that point, and I was able to hide behind a mask so people didn’t have preconceived perceptions just because of who I was. It felt like playing dress up and being silly, dressed up like a big parrot.
Has your fan base mostly stayed with you through your coming out process? A few people leaving is to be expected in a situation like this.
I feel like people, for the most part, have stayed with me and it means so much to me. I don’t want people to think that I’m a different person now or to be afraid of me. So I hope by just being myself they’ll see that I still am David, only I am embracing more of me that I used to be ashamed of and hated about myself. I’ve learned to love those parts of me. Being queer. It’s been healing. And I think my fans that have stayed with me see that.
Is there anything you would like to say to your fans?
I just wanna say thank you so much to each one of you, for following me on every step of my journey. Whether it was through my religious endeavors, my music endeavors, or now, just my endeavors in discovering myself in my identity in the LGBTQIA+ plus community. It’s important to give each of us room to explore ourselves. We don’t know who we are in our teenage years. We don’t know everything of who we are even in our 20s or 30s. I think we keep learning and so to give people space to keep evolving really matters. Thanks for giving me that space.